Before Jesus Changed My Life
As an adult, I had come to believe in the power of God through the rooms of recovery in Cedar Rapids, IA. The search for a new relationship with Jesus began in the spring of 2023; I was in a romantic relationship and asked my partner to join my quest for a church. He was not interested, but our prayer life grew, and each time we read or listened to meditations, I felt prickles with the line: “See where religious people were right.” With eleven years of recovery from opiates and three years free from alcohol, I started getting a heart nudge to return to the religion of my youth and early adulthood. The push to return to Christ grew stronger, even as that relationship ended, and even though I wasn't ready to face the idea that maybe I was wrong about my ideas of what church would look like. I knew going or exploring Christianity would cost my comfort in how I lived and thought of the world. It was easy to design a God that condoned the unvirtuous behaviors I had yet to give up. I had a lot of old hurt with people who were part of my early church experience. Over the summer, I was able to start unpacking that hurt. I saw that the problem wasn't in church per se or Christ-like living and pledging a life to Him. It was in my inability to bend my will and give up self-reliance as a bridge to accessing God. But I was so afraid to open my heart to a new congregation and Jesus. There were and are still things about me that don't match the ideal Christian outlined in the Bible. I thought I was still not enough, and I was right. And in that lies the power of God and the gift of His son, Jesus Christ.
How Jesus Changed My Life
I started attending Veritas because it was familiar to me; it’s in a building I'd participated in with recovery. Something about the ideas laid out online and shared with me by others in recovery was attractive. Here were followers of Christ who had found a place of worship that aligned with the spiritual principles taught in recovery that have created the foundation of living I now know. I've been attending since the beginning of September and am in my second set of classes on my way to membership. I am so imperfect and continue to flounder. Recent health trials sharpened my reliance on Christ's strength and perfection. I understand the deep cost of growth. I'm a writer, and I couldn’t write about the succession of events that have stacked together recently. In the ambulance on the way to the hospital in October, I realized that If the price of gaining my soul is the loss of all I know, then I needed to beg Jesus to take it from me. I asked him to continue ripping the prejudice from my life, tear the sin away, and steal my dependence on anything except Him. Burn out the idea that I am enough or that, as a human, I know the way. I prayed that Jesus would bring me to my knees in Job fashion so that I may, too, glorify and sing of God’s magnificence. I asked that He break my self-will so that I would be of service to his church. Christ’s justice has held the entirety of my life, and I know that the Lord does not fail me now. 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds me that "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." God has allowed me to trust him, knowing that on my own, I cannot access the promise of God's eternal kingdom and all of its glory because I am imperfect; I am a sinner (Romans 3:23, 6:23). Jesus, as part of the trinity, became the offering, the sacrifice necessary for my entrance and to be one amongst God's children (Romans 5:8, 8:1-2). As a Christian, I am called to become more like Christ on the inside and show that through virtuous living (Romans 12:1-2). I am also called to share my faith and the Truth (Romans 10:9-10)
My Life After Jesus Saved Me
The more I can see my suffering as a chance to reach another human in the name of Christianity or as a testimony to His greatness, the easier I have been able to move through it. The word of God tells me that whatever we have here on earth is small (time-wise, suffering, riches, etc.) compared to the glory of eternity. I have lived a life of trials over and over, but I find hope in the fact that the joy and peace to be had in heaven are immeasurable in comparison. Psalm 116: 8-9 echoes the cries of my heart. “For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.” Choosing baptism is an outward sign of my inner conversion and re-softening of my heart to Jesus. It's so different than any other church experience I have had. I know that I am home.