Before Jesus Changed My Life

Before Jesus truly became the foundation of my life, I was chasing after meaning in ways that left me exhausted and unfulfilled. I was fortunate and knew Jesus and loved Jesus at a young age, however despite knowing Jesus, I wasn’t truly surrendering my entire life like I knew, and loved him with every single cell of my heart. Sinfully I poured myself into achievement, attempted to be a savior to others, whether it was school, work, or just trying to prove that I had it all together. I thought that if I worked hard enough, if I was successful enough, I would feel whole. But no matter how much I accomplished, how hard I worked, it was never enough. I failed to give all of the glory to what God had truly provided for me... in times of success, and especially in times of hardship. I found myself running on empty, striving for validation and approval in things of this world. I placed my worth in things and people’s opinions of me that could never, and will never satisfy. I tried to control every aspect of my life—my future, my health, my relationships, the success of those around me... without realizing how much I was carrying on my own. I masked my spiritual need with busyness, and self-sufficiency, but deep down, I had been denying my own brokenness. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered and desired to obey all that Jesus had commanded of me. I didn’t have to carry the weight alone, and I needed to acknowledge that all that had been given to me, was Jesus and because of Jesus and not of my own doing. His grace met me in my striving. His love reminds me that I don't have to earn my worth...and that I am a horrible savior to others. I was already fully known and fully loved. Now, instead of chasing meaning in things that fade, I find my purpose in Him. He took my brokenness and is whom I put all of my hope into.

How Jesus Changed My Life

I don't feel I deserve the ways in which Jesus has changed my life. I have made selfish decisions, I have sinned so many times. I had parents who loved me unconditionally, took me to church, and taught me Christ-like living and Christ-like values. I have a husband who has loved me despite my many flaws. I have healthy kids that I do not deserve, but through God's grace, I continue to learn, grow, and thank Him for what we have. I've had a handful of hardships, many of which may seem first-world in the grand scheme of things, and then hardships of tough real-world realities of life too. When I was digging into our calling, ironically, I found Luke 12:50 - "But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is completed!" - this was not Jesus' first baptism, but his understanding of his final baptism. His suffering, death, and resurrection. His obedience wasn’t about a single event but about the completion of God’s plan. I was humbled by my ignorance, considering what he KNEW was coming, and his complete and continuous surrender to his own Father's plan.

My Life After Jesus Saved Me

Since truly surrendering to Christ, I have a much deeper reverence for how profoundly I am loved and how much has been sacrificed on my behalf. Obedience is no longer just a duty—it is a joy and a desire that flows from understanding what it truly means to lay down my life, take up His cross, and follow Him. The word obedience carries a different weight in my heart and mind now—it’s no longer about obligation but about love, trust, and surrender. I have learned to embrace both seasons of hardship and seasons of abundance, knowing that God is sovereign over all. The trials I face are not meaningless; they shape me into the person He is calling me to become and teach me lessons I would not have learned otherwise. Likewise, when in abundance, I recognize that it is not just for me, it is an opportunity to extend His blessings to others, just as He has been generous to me. One scripture that has been refining me in this season is Romans 5:3-5: "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." No matter what season I am in, my hope is found in Christ alone. He is where I turn in times of weakness, anxiety, insomnia and worry. He is also whom I turn to in times of sincere joy, laughter, and peace. Because Jesus. I no longer live for myself but for Him, who gave His life for me. And because of Jesus, I know without a doubt that I have eternal life.