What was life like before you met Jesus?
At the age of seven, I asked Jesus into my heart as I desired to go to heaven vs. hell when I died. Over the following 21 years, I went through the motions, including 11 years at a Christian school and then semi-consistent church attendance, but there was no real relationship with Christ. When my brother died by suicide in 2004, I plunged into darkness and began chasing multiple things to heal my hurt. My bondage firmly took hold around 2008 as I began using alcohol, work, possessions, people, experiences (i.e. trips, concerts, golf), and other things, with which guys are challenged, to fix my messed up life and my heart which was gasping for life. I was all about me at the expense of my wife, two boys, extended family, and anyone else in my life. It became clear in 2018 that many of the things I'd turned to for relief had turned into relentless masters to which I had no control - I was "all of a sudden" a slave to these masters. It was horrible - I felt trapped.
How did you meet Jesus?
As my lies and regrets mounted up, my mind couldn't rest. When I wasn't ruminating over the past, my mind was scheming over how I'd secure the next drink or "fix" as they had to be in secret - no one could know. On January 25, 2019, my wife [once again] learned I was drinking in secret and was more than enraged. It was a weekend we'd planned for family; I ended up isolated at home while my wife left with our kids. I remember lying in bed with a hangover and terrible guilt. I also vividly recall an audible voice that asked me, "Is this how you really wish to live?" It was at this time I realized I needed someone to save me from my sin, darkness, depression, and bondage.
After being saved by Jesus, what is your life like now?
This was when my understanding of Jesus Christ completely changed. The whole idea of "forgiveness of sins" and "take my yoke as it is light" made sense. I needed someone who could fully forgive my past sin - someone who wished to come into my darkness and show me the way out. 1 John 1:7-9 reads, "But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all wickedness."
I am so grateful for my "second chance" and the freedom I've experienced by giving all my stuff to God. I'm so thankful for the godly men who've come into my life; imperfect men who've been liberated and are willing to walk beside me as we attempt to follow Jesus. I’ve had to face consequences because of my actions, however, I no longer feel alone or embarrassed.
With God's continued grace in my life, I am confident He will provide a way even if/when I cannot see it. Romans 8:1-6 has become one of my favorite passages of scripture. I love the peace and life God provides via the Holy Spirit. His freedom is extraordinary.