What was life like before you met Jesus?
Before Christ, I wanted to have control over everything. I believed if only I did this one thing, it would make another happen. I had this unrealistic idea that no matter the situation or who it involved, I could fix it if I did this or that one certain thing. I made myself sick physically and emotionally, holding myself accountable for things that were never in my control. I would feel an aching numbness in my body because I "thought" something bad was going to happen or because I couldn't control how others acted or reacted. I tried reading self-help books and always rejected them because it wasn't the "solution" I would want or the way I thought it should go. I was consumed with worry and a need to find a solution to everything. It consumed me and made me anxious and unrelatable. I wasn't able to focus my time and energy on the things that really should have mattered to me.
How did you meet Jesus?
I've always "believed in” God. When I started attending church and sang the songs I've known from the radio, they all of a sudden had meaning. It was so beautiful to hear a group of people collectively praising Jesus, and I cried with almost every song. God was speaking to me through all of the people at church, saying the same thing I'd been hearing, but now it was as if it was being screamed at me, and I was finally understanding. In scripture, I really connected with Matthew 6:25-33 "don't be anxious about your life." "and which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" "But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you." When I read this it was a moment of clarity, and I knew that it was all out of my control. I knew Jesus died to forgive me of my sin in believing in myself over God and His plan for me, for my life. I knew then that I was meant to live for Jesus. I went from “believing in” God, to believing God! In Isaiah 52:13-53:12 it says, "Through the sacrifice of his only, innocent Son, God has given everything needed for us to be saved from the punishment we deserve."
After being saved by Jesus, what is your life like now?
Since finding Christ, I stop myself and pray when I feel anxious or want things to go a certain way. I pray for wisdom to do things according to His plan. I pray for Him to walk with me through every part of my day. I feel His presence when my heart is aching. I feel His love, and I've come to realize that His love is all I really need, and to have faith in His plan is the only way to live. I rarely feel the same body aches I was feeling before. When I'm feeling out of control, I know it's because I truly am out of control, and I pray to surrender in that moment to His control. I pray when I'm feeling lonely because I know He loves me. I know because of Jesus' love, I am saved from my sins, and I've been given more grace than I ever deserved.